I realize the confusion now. I forgot that from the perspective of people on Beehaw, they would not see me posting from kbin immediately without checking the handle.
To paraphrase my point: I support the development of lemmy as a federated project, but I do not support the goal of Beehaw (which they do have on the sidebar and I read it more than one). This purely comes from my own experience and preference with curated communities.
I do not have a problem with Beehaw defederate from others.
However, I do not see defederate is a solution to the many issues with lemmy as a whole. I disagree with the original post on federation, but I do agree with a lot of their replies about the technical limitation.
I think you are the one who does not get it. Unless Beehaw completely defederate from everyone, posts on Beehaw is a part of the federation, meaning all federate communities that beehaw agrees to connect with.
This is why I said the whole defederate/federate thing Beehaw people do not seem to get or do not want to understand. You are part of this, we are not part of you. If you want your own community, commit to it and disconnect. If you want the benefit of the federation, you do have to work with other and deal with consequence.