Exactly!
So has anyone tried this pewpowpie recipe and does it taste any good?

Good. And while you’re at it close all your other stores, fucking parasite.

Go to a charity shop and find a cheap table and utilise the top part. Alternatively go to a DIY shop (Wickes, b&q…) and buy some ply board. If you go to b&q then some stores will cut the boards to your sizes.

If you get a table then it doesn’t matter if it is too big, just that it isn’t too heavy or expensive. The tricky part is gauging the weight as you’ll only be using the top part and getting rid of the legs etc.
Once it is home take off all the legs and everything else so there’s nothing to scuff your kitchen table.
Cut it to size and sand down the edges to make it chamfered and nice to lean on.

If you go the plyboard route you’ll probably still have to sand the edges a bit. Plyboard largest size is 1220x2440mm so depending on the thickness you may need 2 pieces of ply as one piece of 18mm ply may not be sturdy enough but 2 bits of of 12mm glued together could be perfect. You’ll have to decide the sturdiness to weight factor.

Either way get your board/old table top to your perfect size with the edges sanded smooth. On the bottom glue some felt fabric to protect your kitchen table. But leave about 50mm unglued underneath at the edges.
Screw some battens to the bottom of it and cover anything that vat touch your kitchen table with felt.

(Spray contact adhesive is good. Quick and sticky, but can be difficult to apply without spraying it everywhere. I’d use spray stuff for the big areas then paint on glue for the tricky parts)

On top get some ripstop fabric. It’s tough, water-resistant, but nice to touch. It’s a bit like thin canvas.
Glue that to the top but fold it over to the bottom about 25mm and glue.
Then glue the felt over the top of the ripstop fabric and, BOOM, you now have an overtable.

Ok, how about yahtzee? It almost has an s.

You’ve named your feet twice, we get it. BUT WHAT ARE THE CATS NAMES?!!!?

I don’t understand. Maybe a set of adverts would help me?

They’ve just landed after jumping the wheelchair off a ramp. Obvious, when you think about it…

Now now, there’s no need to be so evil!!

Start up your Bluetooth speaker. (Buy one if you haven’t got one. It doesn’t have to be good, just loud.)
Ramp it up to 11.
Start the most annoying obnoxious sound you have, (that you have already downloaded).
Stand next to the person playing the shitty music and aim the speaker at then.
When they complain about your annoying noise you reply, “You started it.”

I’ve got a book about the history of trains, but I’ve not seen anything about this. Any idea what I’m doing wrong?

Ok, buckle up, it’s time for an essay.

Firstly, it sounds like your burner, like mine, doesn’t like too much timber inside of it on the first burn of the day.
Remember that everything is ‘cold’. Your flue, the fire bricks, the burner. And all that needs to get warmed asap and will ‘steal’ that heat from the fire. Which will make the flames choke, especially when compared with a hot burner.

Plus if you have to turn the log to keep it burning then you don’t have enough heat (embers, or flames) under it to keep it on fire.
And that’s even if it’s not the first fire of the day.
The only time I need to mess with a log is if they have fallen against the glass.

I try to keep about an inch of ash in the firebox for insulation. And try to keep an inch of embers running so the logs get hot enough to burn.

We tried numerous ways of starting fires.
Bottom up.
Logs in an arrow shape facing to the back of the burner with kindling at the front.
Logs like a teepee, with kindling under it.
Logs as a proper V shape with kindling under and over.
But every time it would struggle and/or smoke a lot.

Now, like I said, we just use kindling with the top down method. We put in 4 inch sized firelighters under the top piece of kindling and fire it up. 99 percent of the time it’ll start no problems, and far less smoke.
If we put anything other than kindling in it will be very small logs, almost branches sized, nothing more.

Once the fire is going with a decent amount of embers then we can chuck the logs in but leave the air controls open and, again, 99 percent of the time it’ll catch. Then we will just shut the controls a bit later as needed.

You need 3 things to start and keep a fire going: ignition(fire). Fuel. Oxygen(air).
Too much, or too little, will cause it to go boom. Go out. Or smoke.
Having the correct amounts of each will, usually, mean you have a good fire.

You want to eliminate as much smoke as possible. It’ll cause creosote, etc, and if that catches ignites you’ll have a chimney fire. Which, obviously, is bad.

Then there’s the logs. If they aren’t ‘dry’ you’ll also struggle to keep things burning because you are adding another element (sap, water) to it all.
The ‘wetter’ the wood the more air you’ll need to keep the same sized log on fire.

If you haven’t got a moisture tester for timber then you defo should get one. Anything under 20% is great.

Logs. We burn anything. Hard, soft. It doesn’t matter. As long as it is dry it burns.
If we have hardwood we’ll leave that until the fire is going. We’ll start with kindling, then a few softwood then hardwood.
If the fire is hot enough it won’t smoke.

I’ve got to go to work. Any questions then just ask

We used to have the problem of smoke, etc, escaping in to the room. We changed how and when we opened the door, and how we loaded it up.

Now we use the top down method to start a fire, it produces less smoke.
We use just kindling to start, which is best for my burner.
And we leave the air controls open for all of the first burn of the day.

When the first load is down to embers -btw, embers don’t smoke- we leave the air controls open.
Get the next logs ready.
Open the door slowly.
Then load up again quickly, but without just chucking the logs in.
We leave the air controls open until the new load is burning nice then shut them as needed.

On the next load we do the same routine.

Now we only ever get smoke escaping in to the room if we have to open the door during the first part of a fresh load of logs, such as if the logs fall incorrectly and touch the glass.

“When I work…” Bozo Boris is lying yet again.

I was subbed there when it was called something not so wholesome.

Them- “btw, you’ve pronounced that word incorrectly.”
You- “THAT’S RACIST. You are full of hate and ignorance!”