This guy is so aggressively straight that he can’t eat a banana the normal way…

That guy is a serial killer.

So what’s the opposite of this? Ripping the banana in half and inhaling it?

I attended a fundamentalist university (fml) where the women ate bananas in a similar fashion: curve up, one strip of peel off, with a spoon. Same reason as many in this thread have mentioned: too “unseemly” to eat it the normal way. 😒